Chili

So I said it's my day off and i wasted a requested day off and I want to do something. So we went to the Chili cook off. I said if we are going it's silly for him not to enter the contest. So he entered the pepper eating contest and tied for 3rd this year - 15$ for frickers. No really spicy chili. Dessert was coldstone ice cream cakes and ice cream. They had a bounce house and josie LOVED that!. Saw some of the people he was accuainted with at his old job. One guy we sat next to and said he said how wrong it was how getting rid of him went down. He also offered to get his resume out there to any place he could think of. So that was good at least.

He's trying to warm up to me again already. Last night Josie got out of her bed (me and her were sleeping togther. And went to his bed to sleep with him. He woke to pee and came where I was for some hanky panky... I was so half asleep and well it had been a while. Today we were all in the big bed cuddling and he kept trying to hold my hand. I kept pulling it away when he did that.

So he is trying again and didn't listen to what I said yesterday about wanting to leave.

Ass

So I wasn't allowed to go to the SCA events (tons of classes and things to learn) because Curt had to go to the Chili Cook off and win the pepper eating contest. So fine. I stopped trying to go. We;ve been talking and figuring out how we'd all go to the Chili cook off together.

He wakes this morning to say he sees no point in going. The kids and I won;t like it, he's not in the mood and doesn't want to mess up his digestive track for the contest.

Are you kidding me?! I couldn't go to my thing because it was so important to him and now he decides he doesn't want to go. He could have decided yesterday so my day off wouldn't be screwed up, but no. I should have not considered his feelings and just went to the event.

admission

After hours of talking and trying to pry out of him what was wrong in a round about way he finally admitted it. He's depressed. I've been telling him that for over a year.

Before he started talking about that I said I didn't want to be together. He doesn't want that but didn't talk about not being together except that he doesn't want that.

He made me say I'd help him with his depression. I first told him no, he'd have to do it on his own to be successful. He persisted so i finally said I'd help him. He couldn't tell me how I could help. I suspect it'd be by not leaving him though...

No Chili for yoU!

So I had asked for the 13th off. I wanted to go to an event up in MI for the SCA. Well, the scheduling owner isn't so bright and gave my the 20th off instead... K, fine, whatever.

I work 6 days a week. I get one day off, normally Sunday's, except the 20th is a Sat. I origionally thoght I had to work on the 20th. I would have worked mornings. So I told Curt that evening was the Chili cook off and he should go to enter the pepper eating contest and win like he did last year (nice food GC). He loves chili and so that sounded great to him.

So with having the 20th off, I wanted to go to a different event (one with TONS of classes!!) with the SCA. Curt says no, he's going to the chili cook off and I said he could. I explained that was before when i had to work that day. I really don;t want to spend my one day off wrangling kids all day then being stuck at home to watch kids while he goes and gets tons of chili.

I even suggested I'd take Josie to the SCA and he'd get Oli. He asked how would that work, what would he do with Oli?! Uhm take him with you like i'd do with Josie. He said no, he wouldn't be able to go with Oli.

I tried explaining I get one day off and don;t feel like sitting around the house watching kids or going somewhere taking care of everyone and everything. I want to relax and enjoy myself. I frickin tired and need some me, non stress time. Being at home where I have to take care of kids while he ignores me and the kids is a tad bit of work.

So I finally said fine, you can't to go to the Chili Cook off then if I can't do anything.

Earlier this week he had a meeting he HAD to go to. My bedtime it 7:30 pm and he stated when i go to bed late the kids go crazy so i need to get to bed on time. His meeting lasted until 7:30 - meaning getting home at 8pm, and me getting t bed even later. I let him know I don;t like that he is doing that without even asking if that was ok with me. I already get low sleep and he's having me get less. I already had to wake up even earlier in case i had to shovel the drive due to the snow that was still falling.

(Another thing so i don;t forget. Today were we all in the big bed playing and crawling around. Curt asks Josie to cuddle with him some too. She said no, you scare me. I've never heard her respond that way!! He asked why and she said because he yells at her too much. She refused to go near him. Since I was pregnant with Oli he's gotten horrible about snapping at her (and me). I didn't think she noticed it. Maybe that's what she's talking about. Maybe he yells when i'm not here. I thought I yelled a lot, but she never has responded like that for me. I was shocked.)

too much to handle?

9 month old too much to handle?

Apparently for Curt, that answer would be yes....

I get home on Tuesday and am told Oli's been horrible. I asked, what crying all day, but no he's been getting into stuff. Which true Oli's been horrible about doing that. Will tear into and down everything he sees!

Curt then tells me he was playing Wii Fit while just oli was up and not Josie. He sees oli crawl out into the kitchen. He said he continued to play because he didn't want to stop mid game... So Oli's out there getting into stuff... Curt finally goes to investigate when he hears something fall on the ground. Curt goes out to discover he forgot to shut and lock the doors under the sink after he was in them the night before. Oli got into them, got a bottle of Pine Sol, unscrewed the cap and dumped 90% of the bottle into his lap! Luckily he didn't drink it, or even have any on his hands. Curt grabbed him and washed him all off right away.

As if that wouldn't make me watch the boy like a hawk, there was more...

Then he says he way doing something else and Oli crawled down the hall, into Josie's room and woke her up. (it was 10am so he waking wasn't a big deal, but seriously?)

Then Curt said he was making breakfast for Josie. Oli got away for a third time, crawled down the hallway again. This time he found him with a penny in his mouth!

Oh wait! One more.

Oli crawls into the hallway, through the bathroom and into the dog's room. Curt finds him there eating dog food!

Seriously? How the hell do I protect me children? At least with me being with curt I'm here part of the time and don;t let a 9 month old leave my site. I'm afraid of how much he doesn't watch them and lets them do anything and get into anywhere. A damn game was more important than his son's safety. He still leaves knives, pocket knives, scissors and various other things out where they could fall or josie can easily reach or accidentally knock into.

I'm not perfect, and accidents do happen no matter how careful you are. But him just saying he wanted to finish his game first bugged the hell out of me. No more than that, it just pissed me off. Then him still being careless about things that could hurt the kids. He's just oblivious to everything.

I just think if I weren't here and he'd half them half and half or something. there would be even more chances for the kids to get hurt. I'm just not sure what to do.

On curt in general: I Got a book about deciding to stay or leave from the library. I've barely touched it. I read some and just put it down as being worthless and a waste of my time. I'm just prolonging the inevitable. There really is no point in trying at a marriage that just will not work. I don;t really mean that in a bad way, just more of stating the fact.