I miss you Carla

My SCA group is very small. I believe total actual members who consider themselves part of our group specifically is maybe at more 15 people. On regular occasion only 6-8 show up for meetings. So those of us that are around are pretty close. We car pool together to events as well. After the official meetings are done we normally could be found outside the building talking for hours and hours after. So when one of the prominate people of your small close knit group is taken from you, it's quite a shock.

At the young age of 41 a friend is gone forever. She was such a wonderful person. Many people didn't take the time to know her due to her large stature. Thier loss.

In the SCA people tend to be more accepting. She found a home there, a second family. I'm proud to say I was part of that second family of hers.

On monday August 10th Carla passed away due to a blood clot in her leg dislodging and finding it's way to get lungs. Later it was found she had multiple blood clots in her legs.

In the days following was filled with trying to notify everyone of the news. Also, I wrote a long rememberance of her that her family requested so some things could be shared at her funeral.

On Thursday myself, Jen and Paula (all from her small sca group) went to her parents place to get her SCA things. They thought it fitting that we have them for use ourselves, for the group or whomever we see fit. Also, they had no use for the stuff. My heart played tricks on me and I got a little excited when pulling into her parents drive and seeing her car there. I expected for a second that she'd show up. Then the hurt with the realization that I'd never get to see her again. We were able to spend some time with her family remenicing with her. She has such a great family. They kept saying how much of Carla they saw in all of us. We went through her stuff at Paula's and seperated it into boxes and kept some for ourselves.

Friday was the viewing. I went with another member of the group. It was closed casket and I had a chance to talk a bit again with her family. As much as I was thanking them for having such a great sister and daughter, they were thanking me for being her friend.

Saturday was a long day. The funeral. I again car pooled with another member of our group, paula. We arrived minutes before the service began. The service was very touching and had many mentions of her involvement with the SCA. Actually, they had all us SCA people dress in garb (medieval clothing) and even all the pictures they used were SCA one's. I was touched and broke down a bit when they were sharing some letters we wrote to the family. They shared my entire letter! At the burial site they had the sca people form two lines and brought her casket down the center of us. More touching words at the burial site as well.

Sunday we had to have a quick meeting to vote in a new treasurer (her job) and figure out some other things.

This Sunday was a business meeting. First meeting we had at the church we normally meet at. I normally get there a little early and so did Carla. I pulled in and my first thought was to look for Carla's car and so we could chat before the meeting. My heart sunk when my mind remembered I would not be seeing my car. I must say I was a little happy at the desicion to move the meeting site.

We are frantically trying to get everything for our event less than 1 month away in place. It's an event from Fri-sun with TONS planned. It hurts to think she won't be there.

I've had family members pass away. Not siblings or parents. Grandparents, uncles... But I wasn't close to them, not really. I didn't tell them really the true me, the problems at home, everything. She knew pretty close to everything with me. It just hurts so bad. I want her back.

I miss you Carla. And if you are somewhere around us, please give us some sort of sign to where the heck the Necklace and white pieces for the cloak are! (two items missing we and her family can't find.)

With so much (espeically sca things) i stop myself and think about when I was somewhere with her or did the same thing or saw her there.

Charity

I'm thankful that the main city in my county has great charity resources. Everytime I go to the food pantry I just get depressed and end up in tears. Today at the pantry on of the workers recognized me (as curt's wife). It's someone who before now didn't realize how bad off we are. On one hand it's embarassing. I feel like I shouldn't be in this situation and I should be able to make money for my family. However, with both myself and Curt looking daily for a job, I know how hard it is out there right now.

I never realized how hard it was out there now. I heard how bad the economy is, but never knew until we were thrust into unemployement and into the poverty level what it was like.

Today I had to take Oli and Josie with me and the wait wa longer than normal. We got there at 8am and didn't even get the food to the car until 12:30. Poor Josie had it at 11am and just was yelling and sreaming and crying. She was begging, mamma I just want to go home, please. How do you explain to a three year old you have to get food and wait until it's your turn. She doesn't get it. She's three. To her pennies look pretty and are worth more than that paper money.

Some wonderfully nice ladies came out to the hallway where I took her so she wouldn't disturb everyone. One tried to talk with Josie to calm down, which made her worse. The other offered her a book to take. When the lady gave me the book for josie, josie took it from my hands with tears running down her face saying to give the lady the book back mama.

Finally one lady went into the nursery area and grabbed 2 bananas, rasins, crackers and a chewy bar for Josie. She ate it all. I can't believe how hungry she was. I didn't even realize it and she didn't ask for anything to eat. Poor girl.

Tomorrow the same church is having a free community meal. So we'll be back with Curt this time and hopefully Josie will be better.