Back to the same shit as before with my husband.
I just hate this all.
I feel so so horrible for thinking and even writing it. But I so wish I weren't pregnant. I already feel such resentment towards this baby because I feel I have to stay longer with him due to it. If I weren't pregnant I would have left last time. I was so ready. I had so much ready.
He convinced me to stay. He said he couldn't imagine not being there every day with his daughter. I don't want to take that away from him or her.
I was so worried how it would effect him, how it would effect her I never thought really about myself in the end. I just stayed.
It's slowly gotten worse and were back to our weekly or more fights. I spent majority of Thanksgiving fighting with him. Finally I convinced him to come anyways because i didn't want josie not to have him around for thanksgiving.
I kept thinking and hoping maybe I'd have a miscarriage, but i never did. I feel so bad to finally say it, when i've been thinking it for the past months. I've had a miscarriage before, I know the hurt that goes with one. I know there are so many people out there that want kids. I feel so horrible that I was able to get pregnant when there are so many other deserving people out there who actually want to be pregnant and want a baby, when i don't.
