Ass

So I wasn't allowed to go to the SCA events (tons of classes and things to learn) because Curt had to go to the Chili Cook off and win the pepper eating contest. So fine. I stopped trying to go. We;ve been talking and figuring out how we'd all go to the Chili cook off together.

He wakes this morning to say he sees no point in going. The kids and I won;t like it, he's not in the mood and doesn't want to mess up his digestive track for the contest.

Are you kidding me?! I couldn't go to my thing because it was so important to him and now he decides he doesn't want to go. He could have decided yesterday so my day off wouldn't be screwed up, but no. I should have not considered his feelings and just went to the event.

admission

After hours of talking and trying to pry out of him what was wrong in a round about way he finally admitted it. He's depressed. I've been telling him that for over a year.

Before he started talking about that I said I didn't want to be together. He doesn't want that but didn't talk about not being together except that he doesn't want that.

He made me say I'd help him with his depression. I first told him no, he'd have to do it on his own to be successful. He persisted so i finally said I'd help him. He couldn't tell me how I could help. I suspect it'd be by not leaving him though...

No Chili for yoU!

So I had asked for the 13th off. I wanted to go to an event up in MI for the SCA. Well, the scheduling owner isn't so bright and gave my the 20th off instead... K, fine, whatever.

I work 6 days a week. I get one day off, normally Sunday's, except the 20th is a Sat. I origionally thoght I had to work on the 20th. I would have worked mornings. So I told Curt that evening was the Chili cook off and he should go to enter the pepper eating contest and win like he did last year (nice food GC). He loves chili and so that sounded great to him.

So with having the 20th off, I wanted to go to a different event (one with TONS of classes!!) with the SCA. Curt says no, he's going to the chili cook off and I said he could. I explained that was before when i had to work that day. I really don;t want to spend my one day off wrangling kids all day then being stuck at home to watch kids while he goes and gets tons of chili.

I even suggested I'd take Josie to the SCA and he'd get Oli. He asked how would that work, what would he do with Oli?! Uhm take him with you like i'd do with Josie. He said no, he wouldn't be able to go with Oli.

I tried explaining I get one day off and don;t feel like sitting around the house watching kids or going somewhere taking care of everyone and everything. I want to relax and enjoy myself. I frickin tired and need some me, non stress time. Being at home where I have to take care of kids while he ignores me and the kids is a tad bit of work.

So I finally said fine, you can't to go to the Chili Cook off then if I can't do anything.

Earlier this week he had a meeting he HAD to go to. My bedtime it 7:30 pm and he stated when i go to bed late the kids go crazy so i need to get to bed on time. His meeting lasted until 7:30 - meaning getting home at 8pm, and me getting t bed even later. I let him know I don;t like that he is doing that without even asking if that was ok with me. I already get low sleep and he's having me get less. I already had to wake up even earlier in case i had to shovel the drive due to the snow that was still falling.

(Another thing so i don;t forget. Today were we all in the big bed playing and crawling around. Curt asks Josie to cuddle with him some too. She said no, you scare me. I've never heard her respond that way!! He asked why and she said because he yells at her too much. She refused to go near him. Since I was pregnant with Oli he's gotten horrible about snapping at her (and me). I didn't think she noticed it. Maybe that's what she's talking about. Maybe he yells when i'm not here. I thought I yelled a lot, but she never has responded like that for me. I was shocked.)

too much to handle?

9 month old too much to handle?

Apparently for Curt, that answer would be yes....

I get home on Tuesday and am told Oli's been horrible. I asked, what crying all day, but no he's been getting into stuff. Which true Oli's been horrible about doing that. Will tear into and down everything he sees!

Curt then tells me he was playing Wii Fit while just oli was up and not Josie. He sees oli crawl out into the kitchen. He said he continued to play because he didn't want to stop mid game... So Oli's out there getting into stuff... Curt finally goes to investigate when he hears something fall on the ground. Curt goes out to discover he forgot to shut and lock the doors under the sink after he was in them the night before. Oli got into them, got a bottle of Pine Sol, unscrewed the cap and dumped 90% of the bottle into his lap! Luckily he didn't drink it, or even have any on his hands. Curt grabbed him and washed him all off right away.

As if that wouldn't make me watch the boy like a hawk, there was more...

Then he says he way doing something else and Oli crawled down the hall, into Josie's room and woke her up. (it was 10am so he waking wasn't a big deal, but seriously?)

Then Curt said he was making breakfast for Josie. Oli got away for a third time, crawled down the hallway again. This time he found him with a penny in his mouth!

Oh wait! One more.

Oli crawls into the hallway, through the bathroom and into the dog's room. Curt finds him there eating dog food!

Seriously? How the hell do I protect me children? At least with me being with curt I'm here part of the time and don;t let a 9 month old leave my site. I'm afraid of how much he doesn't watch them and lets them do anything and get into anywhere. A damn game was more important than his son's safety. He still leaves knives, pocket knives, scissors and various other things out where they could fall or josie can easily reach or accidentally knock into.

I'm not perfect, and accidents do happen no matter how careful you are. But him just saying he wanted to finish his game first bugged the hell out of me. No more than that, it just pissed me off. Then him still being careless about things that could hurt the kids. He's just oblivious to everything.

I just think if I weren't here and he'd half them half and half or something. there would be even more chances for the kids to get hurt. I'm just not sure what to do.

On curt in general: I Got a book about deciding to stay or leave from the library. I've barely touched it. I read some and just put it down as being worthless and a waste of my time. I'm just prolonging the inevitable. There really is no point in trying at a marriage that just will not work. I don;t really mean that in a bad way, just more of stating the fact.

he's tired

I slept with Josie in her bed last night. Curt had the big bed with Oli in the pack and play in the same room. Oli woke 2 times, which is average since starting to get teeth in.

We all got up about 7 or 8 am. Curt made himself breakfast while i watched the kids then got in the shower as I'm trying to make me and josie breakfast. I got josie a bagel and started my breakfast sandwich while getting oli's cereal and fruit ready. Curt gets done and I get him to feed Oli while i eat. After done feeding he realized oli exploded on his pants and was leaking - fun stuff!

So curt's changing him, being a little rough. Oli starts screaming and i tell curt to calm down. Oli trys to flip nowadays when being changed making it very hard. Curts all pissed and keeps snapping at josie. Again I tell him to calm down. He finishes wiping stuff and throws the diaper into the overstuffed trash. The diaper then falls on the floor. So curt stands and looks at it and finally picks it up and flings it into the overstuffed trash again, leaving poo on the floor...

He then goes back to the back room without saying a word or even looking at any of us (i assumed getting changed from the pooed on pants.)

Josie goes back to show him something and tells me he's sleeping. So I go back and remind him it's my one day off a week and i need time to fix my resume and get on the computer. I'm ignored. I try talking again. Again I'm ignored. I beg, plead...still ignored. I lay down next to him and ask what's wrong. He starts crying that he's tired and never gets any sleep. He says sleeping in the couch, then up with oli... So I try to come up with a solution. I say as long as he keeps toys picked up from in front of the couch i'll sleep there. But either the whole house needs to go to bed at 7:30, or i'd have to get woken whenever he decides to go to bed. I guess it wasn't good enough because he starts whining that he's tired. So I say nevermind I won't try to help. I remind him again i need to get on the computer to do work and leave the room. He's been back there for over 2 hours now sleeping.

Just annoying that i'm working over 40 hours and 6 days a week, then taking care of kids when i'm home. And I too get woken and have to take care of oli at night. But he's the one who get no sleep. I need to work on my resume and apply for jobs so i can get more money for less hours, and hopefully insurance...but no, he won;t give me time to do that.

that would be illegal

deferment form for my student loan. DH found it, and asked me to fill it out. I said i needed to be given time with no kids to fill it out. He never gave me time then tonight filled it out and tossed the papers at me (literally when I was cutting a coupon) and told me to sign it. I told him I'd read it then sign it. He huffed and puffed.

I read it and had to fix incorrect number and hard to read numbers. He then included 2 weeks worth of monthly income documentation and I showed him we need to include a month worth. He said no that he was right and he'd send in the documents to prove me wrong. I finally said whatever, do whatever you want. He took back to documents, forged my signature and put them in an envelope.

I told him he can't forge me signature. He said why not, I forge his all the time (to deposit his checks he didn't sign into our joint bank account). True I shouldn't do that. But he didn't tell me no and he knows I do it instead of waking him from sleeping when I'm leaving.

I'm pissy. I've had a bad day, kids have been bad, work was long, with a 10 min rushed break and i never had a bite to eat until 12:30 today (remember i wake at 2am for work!). I'm just in a horrible mood and don;t know if I'm just being bitchy or if he really is being an ass.

True the forms needed done and now they're done. I just hate how he went about it.

who's fault...grrr

So my parents will defend my husband and his actions (well the actions that they know of - which isn't much)

My husbands mother tell him I'm a nag and that I have a habit of putting people down.

I'm so tired of everyone butting in when they know nothing about us. Both sets of parents don;t know a damn thing really. My parents would want me to leave. His mother has wanted to leave FIL for years and years and years and stays. But yet blames me when her son acts the same way her own husband acts... Then again, as a mother, I guess I can't really be surprised for not blaming her own son (her only son).

I am a nag, as is Josie, because we have to repeat ourselves literally 5 times to get him to hear, then process, then actually do something, if he actually does it. I'm not saying that to be mean. It's true. One is probably the severe ADD he has, and the rest...who knows. I'm sure it does sound like nagging. But damnit, why should I do everything? Seriously, why when we are at his parents place am I supposed to take care of both kids while he sit there and watches tv and has his mother wait on him? Seriously, that fucked up.

And habit of putting people down...maybe she should hear her own son sometimes.

I'm so fucking tired of everything being my fault! Everyone just blames me. Everything with me and dh, my fault. He says so, my parents and his say so.

At work the other assistant manager HATES me. I felt like I was in high school today with her whispering about me (they weren't too quiet) to the other worker on the shift. Seriously?! She's like 50 years old and she's got nothing better to do that that? OMG! Grow up. I work constantly from the start until the end of my shift. I work 6 days a week 8-9 (or more) hours per day. I put in more work weekly than any other person there (including the owners!). I'm so tired of this petty shit. All because one day (before she was ass manager and I was), I asked if she could sweep an area. I was doing something else, she was talking. She looked me up and down and said, with major attitude, that she does not need direction and she stays busy and walked away. And she's buddy buddy with all the workers so if I were to retaliate or being it to the owners awareness (if they believed me) then I'd have to deal with workers not listening and all kinds of shit.