But with him having to take care of the kids with me working, it's even more evident. I hate that BOTH of my kids watch tv all the time. I'm constantly having to turn it off or away from cartoons when I'm home. He turns it back on for them. Seriously, the 3 1/2 yr old doesn't need to be watching it, and the 6 month old definitely doesn't. I've tried to explain it's bad, he doesn't care though. It's distracting so he can leave them there and walk away to do something else...like update his freaking facebook status...
Then the living rooms a mess, never picked up. I pick it up and dd makes a mess of it, with dh allowing it, and not getting it picked back up. Then he puts ds on the floor to play and crawl around in the mess... Meaning a 3 1.2 year old toys out for a 6 month old... anyone else see a BIG BIG issue with this???
I've tried to keep my cool but I couldn't stand it any longer when it came to the kids. He's irresponsible, doesn't understand how to talk with dd, lets them do whatever they want, doesn't provide good nutrition, and many more BIG issues. I explained to him they'd be better off in a daycare. He mentioned he loved being at home with the kids and maybe I should find a job to pay enough so that he could be a SAHD, I said there is no way in hell I'd do that. I can't trust him with them. I'm afraid one of these days I'll be visiting the ER due to them getting into something from his bad parenting. In the end I'll blame myself. I know I can't be there 24-7 but, I'm the one who married and had kids with this idiot who cares more about himself than his own kids.
I reviewed what he'd been feeding dd since the veggies weren't getting eaten, nor the fruits... Cereal, candy, more candy, more candy, a fruit here and there, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. UHM are you freaking kidding?!?! She gets WIC. I get WIC. What happens to the WIC food? His ass eats it and gives her candy!!! Are you freaking kidding me?! So I had to review her diet it NOT good and needs to change. I gave examples of better foods to fix. That night for dinner he cooked a vegetable....that was boiled with water and a ton of seasoning salt. So much seasoning salt you could see red on the ends of the green beans... I tasted one bite and spit it out, all you could taste was salt. I informed him he needed to learn to cook healthier and not put loads of salt in everything.
DD has her imaginary friend Dora (yes as in the explorer). While some of it I think is playing, I think part is due to she has no other kid interaction now. They stay in the house with him and don't go or do anything, including not going outside. So they sit in front of the tv the entire time. She now runs around the house and says she's playing with dora. On one hand it's cute and on the other hand I want to cry because I think she craves interaction with something so bad, she's had to make it up to get some. Since me working I've showed him and explained places we'd go. He's never taken them out. He didn't get involved with the play group I was in (yes there is another dad who goes to them). I informed him he HAD to start getting her out by other kids.
DD and dh are constantly yelling at eachother. Which means dd ends up in her room as punishment and is bursting full of tears. All because he won't learn how to speak to her. He can't even communicate with adults, so it's not surprising he can't communicate with his 3 1/2 year old. But she suffers in the end. I'm sure confused and frustrated and upset that her father is always upset and sending her to her room. Yes, she's more of a handful, but tons of issues and arguments can be curtailed if you phrase things differently for her or let her be independent like she wants to be. I try explaining and showing him. Instead of listening he ignores me and just carries on in the same way with dd.
Oh and he still keeps leaving sharp objects laying around. (knives, nail clippers, etc). But now I find nail clippers on the floor by the 6 month old. And the other day dd came back into he living room with something she got down from the kitchen that was right under the chef's knife he had laying out on the counter. I had literally just woke up that afternoon. He was on the computer. Kids were by themselves.
Or when he lets dd brush her teeth and wash her hands by herself. One might think, not a problem. But I went to check on her when he was supposed to be in charge of it that night. I questioned why she had not rinsed the soap off her hands. Oh...only because she accidentally turned it to all the way hot and was trying not to burn herself! Dh was oblivious that she needed help. He was in the other room watching tv.
Thankfully dd is great with ds. However, that doesn't mean I'll leave a 3 1/2 year old with a 6 month old. Because who the hell would do that? Oh wait my dh would! Then goes onto the computer and goes running into the other room with he hears ds start screaming and yelling at dd WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!? This is what I hear when I'm trying to sleep.
Oh yes, and he had the kids for a day and took them to his neices b-day party. He brought breastmilk to feed Oli. I gave him the jarred fruit oli had started with and he brought baby oatmeal. So at one point i called they were out to eat. He was so proud to tell me what Oli was eating...a freaking strawberry! Are you kidding me!!!! I told him to get it away from him now!! I said feed him the stuff I sent. I sent a mesh bag in case he wanted to put like an ice cube in it. He didn't listen. After they got home I saw blue all over Oli's clothes. I asked what happened. Wanna guess? Oh it was from him eating blue Jello!! He's 6 months old and you are giving him jello!?! OMG, no more letting the 6 month old be trusted with dad
I've started the search for an 8-5 weekends off, holidays off, benefits job. I would rather the kids be in daycare than with dh. He's damaging to them. I do not trust the kids with him. I'm afraid for their safety.
I can not keep up with picking up the house. I can barely keep my eyes open driving to and from work, let alone trying to take care of dh who can't take care of himself.
Working 3rd shift kicks my butt. I;m constantly tired. It's minimum wage and doesn't pay overtime, or benifits. I work weekends, and they are only closed 2 days the whole year. When stating this to the husband he replies that I need to suck it up, because that is what he was supposed to to at his job. Except for the fact he was making a ton more, had weekends off, had holidays off, had paid vacations, paid sick time, benifits, etc. I said, uhm no. It's not quite the same comparison. Besides When I told him to just do his job and try to deal with it, it was because he wasn't working at work like he should have. I work my butt off at work regardless of my home life, regardless of how tired or exhausted I am. I work damn hard at work, even the minimum wage job.
I'm tired of putting my life on hold for him. In the end he's fucking up my life so he can do whatever he wants. But in the end he doesn't seem to care about anything. Not even himself. I don't know what his problem is. (oh ask him and he'll say it's me, i'm the reason he act the way he does. I'm the reason he lost his job. I'm the reason for all his shortcomings...)
I use to enjoy life. I use to know who I was and what I wanted. I use to know what I'd put up with. I use to have a backbone. I use to manage money well and have CC paid for and bills paid each month.
This is not the life I want. I'm not happy. So many friends have told me so many times and asked what the heck i'm doing. I've asked it to myself. For a while I thought I'm staying for the kids. But really, really. I see the way he treats the kids and they'd be better off without him. Still the thought scares me of them visiting him and staying with him/his family. Because they are not careful with them. They don't watch out and make sure they are safe. How do I protect my kids if I am not there to protect them? I don't trust him. I don't trust he would take care of them. Because he was supposed to be doing that here at home, and he doesn't.
But yet I want them to know their father. He is their blood. They are half him. They are only here because of him.
Sigh
One thing at a time. Find a 8-5 job.
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